15 minute read
<aside> <img src="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/clock.png" alt="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/clock.png" width="40px" /> A few years ago, Charlie's mum is diagnosed with dementia
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My mum was an incredible person. She was married to my Dad for 46 years until he died a few years ago. But from then on she decided she had no will to live. She would say often 'I want to die'. So really for eight years, Mum was preparing for dying.
Then a few years ago she got diagnosed with dementia. We all missed the signs. I felt awful about it.
<aside> <img src="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/light-on.png" alt="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/light-on.png" width="40px" /> The grieving process may start at the diagnosis of an illness. It continues as someone's capacity changes, and as the family experiences part of that person being lost.
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<aside> <img src="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/bar-chart.png" alt="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/bar-chart.png" width="40px" /> On average, people with vascular dementia live for around 5 years after symptoms begin. People with Alzheimer's live for 8 - 10 years. (British Heart Foundation)
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Within a year of the doctors diagnosing her, Mum had a lasting power of attorney in place, so we could deal with all the finances and healthcare. I became the attorney, even though I was the youngest. I was happy to do it.
Mum was a very strong-willed person – she said straight away, 'I never want to go into hospital again.' And I had to stand by that. It helped so much to have that wish expressed forcefully.
Mum had made a funeral plan and written a few instructions. She wanted to talk more about end of life planning. She said 'Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it.' I’m like, 'No, I don’t want to talk about it,' which was wrong of me. I should have said yes, and I didn’t. You live and learn, I should have said, 'I will listen to you.'
<aside> <img src="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/light-on.png" alt="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/light-on.png" width="40px" /> Having clear wishes in place is helpful for the family, who may regret not having talked about it more with the person who's died.
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<aside> <img src="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/bar-chart.png" alt="https://img.icons8.com/ios/250/000000/bar-chart.png" width="40px" /> Lasting powers of attorney are often put in place within a year of a dementia diagnosis, prompted by a pack that people are given by their GP or nurse
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